Seinfeld S23E05: The Forum Post

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20 Apr 2021, 00:12 #101263
George walks in to Jerry's apartment, visibly frustrated.

GEORGE
You’ll never guess what happened just now, Jerry.

JERRY
Well?

George sits on Jerry’s couch and buries his head in his hands, despondent.

GEORGE
So I was on the train, reading the orb on my phone...

JERRY
Again with the orb, George?

GEORGE
It’s a nice place to chill, Jerry! It's some low-stakes fun at the end of my workday. And... I gotta tell you, they say some really funny stuff on there.

JERRY
(hands in the air)
Alright, alright.

GEORGE
So… anyway, I’m browsing the orb, and there’s an announcement at the top of the page.

JERRY
An announcement? What do they have to announce?

GEORGE
I don’t know. People announce things, it happens.

JERRY
(taking a sip of coffee)
I guess it takes all kinds.

GEORGE
Anyway, I click on the announcement. Now I expect to see some text about something changing with the site or someone died or ... something! At the very least, I’m expecting something that would actually qualify as an announcement!

JERRY
Well why wouldn’t you?

GEORGE
You’d think, oh, you’d think! But the first post I see is just a picture of an incredibly wet man.

JERRY
(gesticulating for George to go on)
The man who looks like he’s been coated in oil, right, right...

GEORGE
And you’re never gonna believe this, but… the woman beside me picked that SPLIT SECOND to look over at my phone... and she made direct eye contact with the wet man.

JERRY
(in disbelief)
No...

GEORGE
I mean it's rude to look at someone's phone ANYWAY, isn't it Jerry? It's just not something you do to a stranger! ISN’T IT A BREACH OF SOCIAL PROTOCOL?
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20 Apr 2021, 00:15 #101264
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20 Apr 2021, 00:48 #101282
PaulRuddOfficial wrote:
20 Apr 2021, 00:12
George walks in to Jerry's apartment, visibly frustrated.

George
You’ll never guess what happened just now, Jerry.

Jerry
Well?

George sits on Jerry’s couch and buries his head in his hands, despondent.

George
So I was on the train, reading the orb on my phone...

Jerry
Again with the orb, George?

George
It’s a nice place to chill, Jerry! It's some low-stakes fun at the end of my workday. And... I gotta tell you, they say some really funny stuff on there.

Jerry
(hands in the air)
Alright, alright.

George
So… anyway, I’m browsing the orb, and there’s an announcement at the top of the page.

Jerry
An announcement? What do they have to announce?

George
I don’t know. People announce things, it happens.

Jerry
(taking a sip of coffee)
I guess it takes all kinds.

George
Anyway, I click on the announcement. Now I expect to see some text about something changing with the site or someone died or something important happened. At the very least, I’m expecting something that would actually qualify as an announcement!

Jerry
Well why wouldn’t you?

George
You’d think, oh, you’d think! But the first post I see is just a picture of an incredibly wet man.

Jerry
(gesticulating for George to go on)
The man who looks like he’s been coated in oil, right, right...

George
And you’re never gonna believe this, but… the woman beside me picked that SPLIT SECOND to look over at my phone... and she made direct eye contact with the wet man.

Jerry
(in disbelief) No...

George
I mean it's rude to look at someone's phone ANYWAY isn't it Jerry? It's just not something you do to a stranger! ISN’T IT A BREACH OF SOCIAL PROTOCOL?
keep going
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20 Apr 2021, 01:29 #101296
GEORGE
So, what's happening with the website? You come up with anything?

JERRY
No, nothing.

GEORGE
Do you remember that picture of that really sweaty guy I showed you yesterday?

JERRY
Why are you bringing up the wet man now?

GEORGE
I’m just thinking about how wet he was.

JERRY
He was very wet. But then you sent me that picture where he was almost completely invisible.

GEORGE
He was a wet man. A wet man’s just gonna keep getting wetter.

JERRY
There’s going to be more wet than man at a certain point.

GEORGE
See, this should be the site. This is the site.

JERRY
What?

GEORGE
This. Just talking.

JERRY
(dismissing)
Yeah, right.

GEORGE
I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea.

JERRY
Like a social media website?

GEORGE
No, something more… something more primal. A forum!

JERRY
A forum?! Who would want to post on a forum these days?

GEORGE
Lots of people.

JERRY
Really?

GEORGE
Yeah, Kramer was just talking the other day about some of the forums he likes to go on.

JERRY
I don’t know if I want to have Kramer as my target audience.

GEORGE
This would be different, Jerry! This would be a website just for talking!

JERRY
Just talking? Well, what's the site about?

GEORGE
It's about nothing.

JERRY
No topic?

GEORGE
No, forget the topic.

JERRY
You've got to have a topic.

GEORGE
Who says you gotta have a topic? Remember when we were sending each other the word “poss” over and over again? That could be a post.

JERRY
And who is on the forum? Who are the moderators?

GEORGE
I could be a moderator.

JERRY
You?

GEORGE
Yeah. I could come up with a funny name, too. How about this: GeorgeOfficial.

JERRY
So, on the site, there's a moderator named GeorgeOfficial?

GEORGE
Yeah. There's something wrong with that? I'm a natural moderator. People are always saying to me, “you love getting into the middle of arguments."

JERRY
And who else is on the forum?

GEORGE
Elaine could be a moderator. Kramer..

JERRY
Now he's a moderator. I just hope he doesn’t keep cloning threads like he’s talked about doing. (Pause) So everybody I know is a mod on the site.

GEORGE
Right.

JERRY
And it's about nothing?

GEORGE
Absolutely nothing.

JERRY
So you're saying, I go to d***k, and tell him I got this idea for a site about nothing.

GEORGE
We go to d***k.

JERRY
"We"? Since when do you know how to make a website?

GEORGE
(Scoffs)
Who needs to know how to make a website? We're talking about a forum where people can just post “Mank” over and over. You just get a template.

JERRY
A template?

GEORGE
Yeah, you just… download what someone else has already made. A template.

JERRY
…So you want to go with me to d***k?

GEORGE
Yeah. I think we really got something here.

JERRY
What do we got?

GEORGE
An idea.

JERRY
What idea?

GEORGE
An idea for the site.

JERRY
I still don't know what the idea is.

GEORGE
It's about nothing.

JERRY
Right.

GEORGE
Everybody's doing something, we'll do nothing.

JERRY
So, we go to d***k, we tell him we've got an idea for a forum about nothing.

GEORGE
Exactly.

JERRY
He says, "What's your forum about?" I say, "Nothing."

GEORGE
There you go.

(A moment passes)

JERRY
(Nodding)
I think you may have something there.
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20 Apr 2021, 01:31 #101299

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

JERRY
So, the site would be a forum, and the forum wouldn’t have any topic. And you’d be one of the moderators.

KRAMER
(thinking)
No, I don't think so.

JERRY
What do you mean you don't think so?

KRAMER
I don't like it.

JERRY
I don't understand. What don't you like about it?

KRAMER
I don't like the idea of being a moderator.

JERRY
Why not?

KRAMER
Well it just doesn't sit well.

JERRY
You're my neighbor. You’ve got to help me with this moderating business.

KRAMER
That's your problem, buddy.

JERRY
I don't understand what the big deal is.

KRAMER
Hey, I'll tell you what - you can do it on one condition.

JERRY
Whatever you want.

KRAMER
I get to be Paul Rudd on there.

JERRY
You can't be Paul Rudd.

KRAMER
Well I don’t want to be Kramer.

JERRY
But you don’t have to be Kramer either.

KRAMER
Well who am I supposed to be then?!?! Jeremy Renner?!?!
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20 Apr 2021, 01:49 #101302
PaulRuddOfficial wrote:
20 Apr 2021, 00:12
George walks in to Jerry's apartment, visibly frustrated.

GEORGE
You’ll never guess what happened just now, JERRY.

JERRY
Well?

George sits on Jerry’s couch and buries his head in his hands, despondent.

GEORGE
So I was on the train, reading the orb on my phone...

JERRY
Again with the orb, GEORGE?

GEORGE
It’s a nice place to chill, JERRY! It's some low-stakes fun at the end of my workday. And... I gotta tell you, they say some really funny stuff on there.

JERRY
(hands in the air)
Alright, alright.

GEORGE
So… anyway, I’m browsing the orb, and there’s an announcement at the top of the page.

JERRY
An announcement? What do they have to announce?

GEORGE
I don’t know. People announce things, it happens.

JERRY
(taking a sip of coffee)
I guess it takes all kinds.

GEORGE
Anyway, I click on the announcement. Now I expect to see some text about something changing with the site or someone died or something important happened. At the very least, I’m expecting something that would actually qualify as an announcement!

JERRY
Well why wouldn’t you?

GEORGE
You’d think, oh, you’d think! But the first post I see is just a picture of an incredibly wet man.

JERRY
(gesticulating for GEORGE to go on)
The man who looks like he’s been coated in oil, right, right...

GEORGE
And you’re never gonna believe this, but… the woman beside me picked that SPLIT SECOND to look over at my phone... and she made direct eye contact with the wet man.

JERRY
(in disbelief) No...

GEORGE
I mean it's rude to look at someone's phone ANYWAY isn't it JERRY? It's just not something you do to a stranger! ISN’T IT A BREACH OF SOCIAL PROTOCOL?
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20 Apr 2021, 04:14 #101335
i feel like all the seinfeld i’ve been forced to watch was training to mentally render this post
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20 Apr 2021, 04:31 #101338
beachedthing wrote:
20 Apr 2021, 04:14
i feel like all the seinfeld i’ve been forced to watch was training to mentally render this post
i think i've seen maybe five episodes of the show
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20 Apr 2021, 04:50 #101343
PaulRuddOfficial wrote:
20 Apr 2021, 04:31
beachedthing wrote:
20 Apr 2021, 04:14
i feel like all the seinfeld i’ve been forced to watch was training to mentally render this post
i think i've seen maybe five episodes of the show
really could have fooled me
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20 Apr 2021, 12:29 #101381
This whole thing is taking place in @stein 's old school
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20 Apr 2021, 14:48 #101385
yeah i'm switching clothes with jerry and making out with the principal because she's hot and wants to make out with me. then i'm talking about how there's gotta be someone who tries to like every post they see
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20 Apr 2021, 17:36 #101421
INT. DINER - DAY
GEORGE
You know, Kramer says he knows wet man.
JERRY
Kramer knows wet man?
GEORGE
He knows wet man.
ELAINE
He does not know wet man.
GEORGE
He says he knows wet man!


Kramer walks into the diner and sits at the table.

JERRY
George says you know wet man.
KRAMER
Oh, me and wet man go way back.
JERRY
(hands in the air)
He knows wet man.
GEORGE
So, you mean to tell us... that you knew wet man this entire time and never thought to tell us?
KRAMER
I don't see what the big deal is. He's just a... wet... man.
ELAINE
I still don't understand. Who is this guy, really?
JERRY
He's wet man! You know, the man who looks like he's wearing another man's face as a mask?
KRAMER
He's more than just wet, you know. He's one of the wildest guys I've ever met.
GEORGE
Really. Wet man? Wild.
KRAMER
Yeah, we came up with some of the craziest words you’ve ever heard. Eoiv, poss, dooz... Mank! That’s one of mine.
ELAINE
You came up with new words together?
JERRY
A whole dictionary, it seems like.
KRAMER
Sometimes the old words just don't do it for you. That's how he put it, anyway.
ELAINE
Wait a second, how did you wind up meeting this guy?
KRAMER
Well, I was in the subway-
GEORGE
You met wet man in the subway? What’s wet down there?
JERRY
You know, I’ve never thought about it before, but things don't get wet down there that often, do they?
KRAMER
How do you know he was wet when I met him?
JERRY
Was he wet when you met him?
KRAMER
...He's always wet.
GEORGE
How on earth could he always be wet?!?!
KRAMER
Some people are wetter than others. It’s natural.
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20 Apr 2021, 19:43 #101429
Sometimes the old words just don't do it for you...
:normal:
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 ;) THIS USER IS SPEAKING SARCASTICALLY HERE
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